💕Relationships in the time of coranavirus.
A month in, many more to go, check-in on your most important relationships.
📰 The Topic
For most of us, we’re spending more “quality time” with the people in our home than ever before. That might mean just your partner and kids or a mish-mash collection of loved ones - from in-laws to siblings and more.
Lots of personalities, in not a lot of space without many breaks… well that’s a recipe of frayed tempers in the best of times. Layer on the uncertainty and worry about everything else and you start wondering how you’re going to make it to the other side, relationships all intact.
And while it can seem like we’re all in “just muscle through it” mode, it’s clear this marathon has many miles left in it and we need to start thinking about the longer haul.
For many of the families we’ve talked to, it starts with checking in on the main relationship in their lives, with their partner. There are many approaches but a popular one is the 5 Love Languages.
While there’s a whole book that goes into detail, the basic premise is that everyone has their own mix of languages that makes them feel loved and appreciated. Often, they’re different from the languages of their partners. What typically ends up happening is each partner expresses love in the language they prefer themselves, instead of in the “language” their partner prefers, which over time, creates friction and frustration of not feeling loved and appreciated.
This is a relatively light and easy way to invest in your relationship without a ton of work. This week, find 15-20 minutes after the kids are in bed and do the quiz to learn your and your partner’s lead languages.
💕Words of Affirmation - using language - words, written or spoken - to show your love.
⏳Quality Time - giving your full, undivided attention.
🎁Receiving Gifts - showing love through things - more thoughtful than big or expensive.
🛎Acts of Service - doing something thoughtful for the other person.
🤗Physical Touch - everyday physical affection.
Even if you don’t have the time or energy to do this right now, tuck it away for a future week when you might be able to get back to a “date night”. Just one more tool in your Parent Like a Pro Toolkit.
🧰 The Tools
5 Love Languages - do the quiz and learn what each of your “languages” are. Once you know the top 2-3 for each other, take a bit of time to think of ways you can show your love and appreciation this week, in the other’s languages. Set daily reminders if that makes it easier.
🧐 Worth Reading
The Virus Is a Reminder of Something Lost Long Ago = “Habits of mind and lifestyle do not change easily. Without noticing, we slowly slip into the routines of our lives, like becoming so accustomed to living on a noisy street that we cannot remember our previous neighborhood and a time of silence. Some powerful force must strike to awaken us from our slumber. Now we have been struck. We have a chance to notice: We have been living too fast. We have sold our inner selves to the devil of speed, efficiency, money, hyper-connectivity, “progress.””
Prepare for the Ultimate Gaslighting - “Take a deep breath, ignore the deafening noise, and think deeply about what you want to put back into your life. This is our chance to define a new version of normal, a rare and truly sacred (yes, sacred) opportunity to get rid of the bullshit and to only bring back what works for us, what makes our lives richer, what makes our kids happier, what makes us truly proud.”