Build your Backup Bench ⛹️♂️
Thriving (not just surviving) as a family today comes down to the safety net of people you can depend on, planned or in a pinch.
“It takes a village to raise a child” - it’s such an oft-quoted sentiment that it’s easy to overlook its critical advice.
For most of us, who are raising families away from the support of our own parents or close childhood community, it can feel like an elusive dream - this idea of a supportive network that swoops in, in times of need. A diverse set of people in your community that makes raising kids feel like a team sport instead a solo endeavour.
Luckily, through building Poppy, I’ve seen just how possible it is to build this Backup Bench with the people in your community - related or not.
In this week’s edition, we walk you through how.
🙋🏽♀️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏼♀️Build your Backup Bench
1) ⛹️♂️Figure out how deep a bench your family needs. Depending on how demanding your work is, how likely you are to run into challenges, and much backup you need, you might need 1 or 2 people or you might need that whole village.
Shallow bench - This is for families that have the flexibility they need from work or they have a lot of built-in support from nearby family or friends. This bench looks like a friend or a neighbor that you’re able to call in times of need but otherwise, you probably don’t need to rely a lot on professional caregiving help.
Medium bench - Most families will fall into this bucket. You probably don’t have the regular help of family or close friends - so you need ~ 4-5 people to depend on. This’ll look like a mix of informal and formal (professional) help - maybe a couple of sitters and your nanny plus some nearby friends/neighbors.
Deep bench - This is what a lot more families are needing as they move to new cities for exciting but demanding jobs. This option is basically building your whole support system from scratch. With no family or close friends nearby or neighbors you know well enough to call in times of need, this looks like having a range of professional caregivers on hand for times that you need them.
2) 🕵️♂️Identify the types of care you’ll need. Every family is different, depending on your schedules and systems. Make a list of the types of help you’ll be needing from your bench.
The main buckets are:
advance notice plans (work event, date nights etc)
work coverage/ school closures (school days off, early dismissals etc)
emergency gap coverage (nanny calls in sick/ kid is sick, can’t go to daycare etc)
Identify how often you’ll need full-day care vs. a couple of hours vs. just ad hoc. Different caregivers usually can (or want to) do one or the other. Make sure you know what you’ll be needing before starting to build that bench, to make sure the people are a good fit for those needs.
3) 📝Make a coverage map by lining up the people you already have with your needs. Make a list of all of the people that you already know you could count on - but be explicit about what situations they can/ cannot help out in. Is your mom your go-to backup but she works part-time and you scramble on those days? Is your preschool teacher a great sitter but she needs at least a week’s notice? Is your neighbor great in a pinch but doesn’t want to do more than 3 hours at a time?
Note all of these details in your bench list. We’ve made it easier by creating a template for you to use.
Next, on a separate sheet (the second tab in the template), make a grid of all your types of needs (eg. school drop-offs, evening events, full days etc), along with the amount of notice. Start filling in names for each box. See where you only have one name or worse, no names.
These are the gaps you need to work to get filling.
We’ll be tackling how to go about finding, vetting and working with the right people to fill gaps in a future edition of Parent Like a Pro. But for now, at least identifying where you have gaps is a big step forward. You’ll also want to reassess every 6 months or every time something changes (eg. sitter moves or your mom’s work schedule changes).
Over the past 5 years of building Poppy and seeing how the lives of thousands of families work, I’d have to say this topic of building a Backup Bench is probably the most critical to whether the parents feel confident about tackling the week ahead - both at home and at work. It’s a hard one, but totally doable with these 3 steps.
Last thing - it’s been a month of gathering and sharing these “best practices” of busy parents and sharing them out. I’d love the honest feedback - how is it helpful? How is it not? Email me at avni@modernvillage.com with the 😍, the 😕 and the 😫.
Until next week.
Let’s parent forward.
-avni
Coming up:
🧰Preparing for emergencies - How to think about preparing for the worst in a thoughtful, measured way? How to explain to your kids so they’re not worried.
💰Family finances - What are the biggies that we should all be thinking about and what are the tools and services making it easier?
🥰Relationships - It can be hard to figure out how to find the time and energy to invest back into our relationship with our partner. How do others do it?
Do you have tips, tricks or tools that you think could help everyone? Share them here: https://themodernvillage.typeform.com/to/CpIfhT